It’s not about the cream cheese

A friend of mine was telling me the story today about an argument he had with his wife. I’m sure he won’t mind me sharing, no names have been mentioned! His wife went to the fridge after they’d just had shopping delivered. She remarked from the kitchen that there was no cream cheese. My friend replied that there was, it’s in the fridge. No, his wife replied, it’s not here. Yes, he retorted, it’s on the bottom shelf. His wife found the cheese but then remarked….but this isn’t where we keep the cream cheese! Needless to say, words continued to be exchanged. I have had the exact same experience with my husband. We’ve had battles over when we take the bin out, cups left in the sitting room and my favourite, the availability of spinach in the deep freezer. It makes no sense! In those moments I’ve come to realise that it’s never about what started the argument. The flame is stoked by a whole bunch of things that you haven’t resolved or let go of. It’s an excuse, an outlet for anger not addressed. My husband is so good at letting go of something once it has been dealt with sufficiently. I tend to hold on for a bit longer, much to my detriment. This marriage thing is a process of consistent learning. Some tests I pass with flying colours, others I’ll probably have to re-take again, again and then again one more time….

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